ok so my friend just told me i cant stay at hers tomorrow i guess it’ll be a saturday night in binging/purging/selfharming/crying woo
i am realiziing something.
i really am getting better. Although i may still have bad eating patterns, binges,not eating enough etc, my mindset has changed.
If i binge, i can still eat normally the next day. I like eating more often. I dont count silly things;eg, the amount of calories in chewing gum. I still calorie count, but i round up instead of going exact numbers.
I dont exercise half as much. I don’t spend a fraction of my time on tumblr, looking at pictures of thin girls and sad quotes. I feel better.
Now i have no idea if this is just the anti depressants, but if it is, i really needed them. Ever since i started on them, my life(ed wise) has improved.
I may still cry and self harm and do all the other negative actions, i may want to move out and i may hate my body, but i am liking myself more. I am interested in things again. I like my friends.
I moved school. I made new friends. I became interested in boys again. I think i am ready to go into a relationship again. I have a best friend.
even though i may still have a hard time, thinking back to how i was last february, i can see how far i have come. I have a hard time dealing with where i will be when my life isnt my eating disorder anymore. It constantly reminds me that i will be nothing ‘special’ or ‘different’ if i truly heal. But i fight it, and remind myself how much i would of done to be at this stage 2months back. I really am getting better, and i hope this is true.
lalalallaaaa omg my eating disorder has taken control in a whole different way.
sorry i haven’t been on recently.
I’ve been busy and in lots of trouble with my mum&dad and ahh i miss u tumblr:(
